meaning of life
by Sasha Marie
Summary: just an obsessive drabble from Dib about what gives his life meaning and his thoughts of giving up. R&R please!


AN: Angst, lots of angst oh and one sided ZaDr but only if you think of it that way. And in other news never sneeze while you have sutures, it hurts like the nine circles and will in all likelihood tear one or more of said sutures. ;; and my painkillers haven't made it to the pharmacy yet...I am in PAIN!!! OK that's enough from me, back to fanfic. Oh and also there is a mythology reference in here just an FYI Tantalus did something (I forget what) that pissed off the Greek gods and so they condemned him to be forever thirsty and caged with a glass of water just out of reach. Wow this is a long author note...on to the drabble!!

meaning of life

He came to Earth not too many years ago like a falling star. When I first saw him I knew my belief had finally paid off. I realized that if you believe in something long enough and hard enough it can cause a sort of dementia. Not that that happened to me. No he's as real as real can be. He is the reason I do this. It's not for the people or for the world anymore it's the principle of the thing. I do it to keep things as normal as possible.

He is what I've been waiting for. He is the sign from beyond the stars that I've been watching for my entire life. I've waited so long to see an alien and now that I have I want more. I have to have more. One taste isn't enough and like Tantalus given a sip of water it just isn't enough to sate me. Now that I've seen my dreams chasing them won't be enough now I have to catch them. All I have to do is reach out and grab them. But happiness evades my hands and my dreams especially remain elusive, they come within my grasp only to slip straight through my fingers.

Yet I keep fighting. I keep reaching out for my dreams and I know that one day I will catch them like butterflies in a net and they will be mine. Even if they escape the jar I put them in I'll have had them at least. Zim, would you be my butterfly? Even if you say no you have no choice in the matter. I'll pin you to some cardboard and put you under glass and look at you everyday though that glass.

You'll scream and writhe the first few days but soon you'll give in and I'll have to freeze dried by someone unscrupulous. And even if that ruins you as a specimen you'll be mine. Mine forever. My obsession, my enemy, my rival, my trophy. I will own you one day Zim. You will be mine for as long as I shall live and then you will become an heirloom. I will catch you and keep you like a butterfly and you'll be mine.

You know Zim, you give me meaning. You give my life a purpose. As much as I love fighting you I'll age and lose my edge before you do or so I'm lead to believe. I can only believe this and try harder. I want more than this boring shell of a life Zim. I want to bring other alien specimens to the swollen eyeball network and become great. Or I could always abandon my morals and help you...Decisions, decisions. Would your people accept me if I wanted to join them? If I came to them of my own free will and offered them my services would they treat me as an equal or would they sneer and kick me when I'm down?

If I asked you to take me away from this dreary place would you do it Zim? Would you let me see the universe with you if I asked? If I gave up all I've fought for and joined you what would become of my family? Would they even miss me? My life is empty Zim and you are the only thing that fills the void that is my soul. Without you my life is as meaningless as dust and I'd might as well drop dead for all the world cares.

Would you even miss me if something happened to me or if I just disappeared? I can imagine you laughing and telling me no. Just between us, I'm cracking under the pressure. My world is crashing down. I see my reality beginning to shatter right before my eyes and there is nothing I can do but give myself up to the only person who would even believe me. So as I sit here in this darkened room watching the edges fray and reality blur and smudge as the colors run into each other I have to wonder. Would it really be so bad to give in?


End file.
